thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize