the condom got lost in my hair
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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