So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
