I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
