I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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