he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
