the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
