You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
