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I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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