just tell him i said nine months
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
