All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
