new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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