I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
