I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
