i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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