singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
