how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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