i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
