ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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