I'm gonna have a badass scar
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
