I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i have two assholes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's the barista slut.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
