By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is wine microwaveable?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
