Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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