I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
