NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
