I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
