He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
