mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
