I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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