she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
