I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This toilet bowl is my home.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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