You smell like stripper and shame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
