at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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