Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
