I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
