peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
