Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I stole a fireplace last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
