weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
