Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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