I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you will always have a special place in my vag
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
