he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize