this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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