This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
