I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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