there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
