she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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