I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
