Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
