and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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