i wish peter jackson would direct porn
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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