I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So drunk its hurt
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
