i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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