Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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