I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
