forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
