bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
