So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
