He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
