walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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