He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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