Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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