Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
