Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
