party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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