final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
