How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
